Nathan~

      Today our Pastor preached a sermon that just seemed to speak to me. It was on 2 Samuel 7 where David wants to build a temple for God. David had a dream…. and an honorable one. I mean, what could be better that doing something so amazing, so lavish, so beautiful, so costly, for God?  But what did God say? He said ‘No, I have a better plan.’  From an earthly perspective it must have seemed crazy at the time….. But God asked David to give up his dream, to let go and let his dream die and to embrace God’s dream. I had never realized the full beauty of chapter 7 until the last 2 wks as Pastor has taken us through it.  As I was thinking over the sermon several things came to mind….

  Nathan had dreams, we all had dreams for Nathan, dreams that were good. Dreams of a long life as a mighty man of God, dreams of seeing all his potential fulfilled, beautiful, God honoring dreams, none of which could be fulfilled in 18 short years. All those dreams had to die when Nathan did, and God’s dream was realized for Nathan’s life. A dream of perfection, of un-distracted worship, of whole hearted devotion. Dreams too big, too amazing, too wonderful for me to comprehend, fuller than I can imagine……  Not that our dreams were bad, but God’s were better.

  David’s response to God was beautiful….. He was so humble, so awed at the awesomeness of God, at his goodness and mercy.  I think that each of us that loved Nathan were given a choice. We could rebel, try to stubbornly cling to our dreams, to be angry that God didn’t choose to use our good dreams, or we could let the dream die. We could could gracefully submit to His will, we could choose to believe that His dream was best, come in humility to the author of the dream. We had to choose to look for areas that God’s dream was playing out and God was faithful….. although we will not see the fullness of the dream until we too get to go home, He has shown us a small glimpse. We have seen lives touched that wouldn’t have been touched any other way, we see spiritual growth in our lives, we see mercy and grace.

It’s not easy but I pray that my response will always be as David’s  “Who am I?”

 

                      

  After Nathan died my Mom was given a little sign that said this (or fairly close to this):

___________________________

God answers prayers 3 ways:

1- Yes

2- Wait

3- I have a better plan

____________________________

I like this so much better than “no” because it isn’t just no, it is so much more……. I hope I always remember that His plan is the best, regardless of how painful it might be.

Nathan 07/07/1990 – 09/27/2008 

Photo Challenge ~ “Blue”

I wasn’t going to enter the challenge this week as I didn’t think I had any pics that fit. My next post was going to be pics and memories of Nathan but, at our family BBQ today (to remember Nathan on the 1 yr anniversary of his death), my Grandma wore blue. Now, I have to say that if my Grandma knew that all the pics I was taking were of her AND the kitten and not JUST the kitten she would probably scold me, if she knew I was posting them here she would REALLY scold me! :o)  She has always hated having her pics taken. My Grandma has been having a lot of health problems lately, so I want to be sure to get pics for my kids. One of the things that I have learned, and am working on, in the year since my brother’s death (at 18 in a car accident) is the importance of being bold with my camera and taking pics even if the subjects aren’t overly impressed (I come from a family of camera shy people).  I wish I had more of Nathan……. he wasn’t camera shy and LOVED all things photography related so I could have, I just didn’t think about it. Anyhow, all that to say, this is my sweet Grandma sneaking in time with a kitten. She LOVES cats but is allergic to them…….

 

A Year ~

  Well, I know I wasn’t going to post until next week, but that just shows how tired I was when  I wrote that!  This week/weekend is a time of remembering for us…… This week my amazing hubby and I celebrated our 9th anniversary!!! We have enjoyed reminiscing over the last nine years and the events leading up to our wedding and our wedding day. Sweet memories……….  But this weekend is also a time for remembering some hard things. You see, this weekend we look back at the start of what has been the hardest year of our lives thus far.  1 year ago Sunday, the 27th, my 18yo brother Nathan died in a car accident, in some ways our hard year started the day before….. the man that worked for my husband had been increasingly unhappy all week and finally showed some of it on Fri the 26th, slandering us inciting another that worked with us to be unpleasant. The other man apologized for his behavior and has been on good terms with us since….. “D” however had yet to show us the full ugliness of his anger…. Trying to forget the unpleasant scenes of Fri. we went to my in-laws on Saturday and it was just minutes after leaving their house that night that we were told of my brothers death. The days and weeks following his death are somewhat of a blur…… or maybe I just don’t like to relive them because of all of the emotions.  My husband was so amazing throughout the week, he stayed with me, held me, cried with me, and showed his love in every thing. He took the entire week off to help me and my family through this. He even went and took care of Nathan’s pick-up afterwards. I will just say, when some one dies of head injuries it is not clean, so his sacrifice in getting Nathan’s belongings out of that truck was HUGE! He watched the kids while I spent hours getting pics together, going through his cell for pics and info for the service, and texted with Nathan’s friends trying to offer comfort.  I can not begin to tell you what a treasure he was and is to me. I have no idea why God saw fit to bless me with such a man but I am so grateful that He did!  The week after Nathan’s death and service “D” went ballistic….. I can not begin to describe the ugliness of what he verbally and emotionally did to my husband, and it wasn’t just a one time thing. In the days, weeks, and months that followed we were forced to get police involvement because of threats to our family, nails in the driveway, etc….. and even when the worst was past he made sure that we knew he was our enemy. It was awful and, as a wife, I have to tell you that it was one of the most painful things I have ever witnessed to see part of my husband die…. His joy, his trusting nature, his desire to work, everything but his love and trust in God and his love and devotion to the kids and I. In the 4 months following Nathan’s death we also also saw 2 adopted Grandmas and 1 Great-Grandma go home to be with the Lord. For someone who had never really experienced death in her family, this was almost unbearable.  During the months that followed my health started to go down hill. It hasn’t been great for a long time but I reached a new low. During the early part of 09’ I got so tired/weak that there were many days I was unable to get out of bed except to do whatever was absolutely necessary. I tried to do more but would end up literally crawling and laying down frequently because I did not have the strength to stand. On days when I was out of bed I was too tired to even make it up the steps to our house without stopping 1 or 2 times to rest.  Talking with my new Dr and having him look at my blood-work, he is suspicious that I had mono on top of a LOT of other problems.  We could re-test to verify but can’t afford that at this time. I am making slow improvements, now even my worst days are not as bad before. I have a long way to go but look forward to continuing to improve. During all this our business was failing. In the current economy construction is not the best industry to be in. We have never had gobs of money but we faced a scarcity that we have never before known, and we still are. We have started to get work but it seems too little, too late…… There have been days that I was in despair because of this but at this moment I am looking forward to seeing what God does…… I also went through the loss of a friendship. I hope to write at a future date some of the many things that God has taught me through that, but not tonight. There were many other things that have happened, but these are the ones the biggest and the ones that I am at liberty to share. Bleak as everything was this past year, we have seen God work in ways that we would never have dreamed of….. He has allowed us to use the situation with “D” to witness to many in the community, He taught my husband many things and has made him less of a people pleaser and more willing to stand up, to not always be the one getting run over….. Interestingly enough, we have seen a couple different relationships fall apart when the other person lost control over us as God teaches us to allow Him only to be in control (this, of course, is what we have seen in hindsight). We have both learned to stand up more faithfully and openly for what we believe. We have learned more fully of forgiveness, the difficulty in forgiving the unrepentant, and the peace and freedom that comes from forgiveness. God has graciously taught us to trust Him, He has taught me that I have to choose daily to believe because He keeps His word. Faith does not have anything to do with emotions…..  I need to believe that He is there, not based on my feelings or emotions, not based on how things appear, but based on the fact that He promises in His Word never to leave me or forsake me. He has taught me to look at why I believe what I believe, to go to Him and His Word, to regard Him as the ultimate authority and not what any man might say that “God says….”, He has shown me His love and His mercy, and His abhorrence of sin and evil. He has shown me the sweetness of planting seeds of hope in Nathan’s friends, of letting go of those seeds and remembering who it is that harvests.  Much as I have not enjoyed the painfulness of these lessons, or the hardship of this year, much as, in my flesh I want an easier route, I am thankful for the growth. I hope to never forget the lessons learned.  I may post a picture/memories post in remembrance of  Nathan. I miss him so much but am so thankful that he is fighting no longer but is spending his time worshipping our Lord. How sweet to know that he is finally, truly happy!!!

  Now, if any of you are still with me after such a long post, I will wish you a goodnight! :o)

Fix-it Friday #30

 

It’s Friday!!! :o)  I found this pic a real challenge, but good for me to work on because I have many like it myself………. To be truthful, most of the FIF’s are a challenge because I am so new to photoshop. I sure enjoy it though!  :o)  I loved what this little boy’s mom had to say about this pic, esp this part

“Shooting in manual is not for those of us with 'Mommy Brain'! LOL".

My sentiments exactly!!!

Here is the original:

 

Here is my first fix: Not crazy about it but wasn’t sure what else I could do in my little old PSE 4.0 :o). I just couldn’t seem to get the color right…….

Here is my second fix: different crop, B&W

and here is my 3rd edit: a different crop yet, sepia, and texture (my only textures are the ones that came with my PSE 4 and I couldn’t get the layer mask to work, so his poor little face is textured :o(  Every time I did the layer mask it would erase the color but not the texture…. Maybe I should have tried the eraser with lowered opacity?

 

Head on over to IHeartFaces to see other great edits! :o) 

Randomness……

Inspired by my friend “E”, I am going to try again to be more organized. In looking at my current “schedule” (or lack there of) and how best to change, I realize that I need to be on the computer less (probably a no brainer but……..). It seems every time I have tried something of this sort my health probs flare up and I turn to the comp because it makes the time pass quicker. It’s a bad habit but I am hoping to change that.  I will still be posting “Fix-it Friday’s” and occasional photo challenges (because they are my de-stressors), but I will probably only do a “real” post once a week or so. We’ll see how long my resolve lasts! :oP  So, here are a few random tidbit’s that I will touch on now and hopefully go more in depth on in the coming weeks…..

  1- I have alluded to the fact, in a previous post, that I had a falling out with a friend. Since that time I have prayed much, sought wisdom from my Lord, and done a number of things to try and understand what took place.  Well, recently I was (providentially) loaned a book called ‘A Time of Departing’ by Ray Yungen. This book is one of the most fascinating books that I have ever read and I totally feel like it has been the missing puzzle piece in understanding……. I can not tell you how highly I recommend this book!!!  I hope to go more in depth on this book at a later time.

 2- I have had a dozen or so posts rolling round in my head that I am hoping to post regarding several books, and about reading in general. I have felt very convicted on certain things lately and, as I am able to articulate my thoughts, I hope to post about them.

 3- I still want to post little family tidbits because it helps me remember them.

   There was more but it is past my new bedtime (hmm….. not starting out so good!) and I am very tired. I have lofty goals and may, or may not, be able to accomplish them but I am going to try!  So, I will post my FIF tomorrow or Sat. and then will be back “for real” sometime next week.  :o)

One of the many reasons I love homeschooling…

 

  Last week our science reading was on seeds. We read many books about seeds, sprouted seeds, went outside and looked for seeds, etc….. One of our readings discussed the many ways that seeds are spread – wind, birds, bursting seed pods, etc…. Anyhow, we discussed them for a little while (all of my kids finding the bird discussion very funny because, at 2, 4, and 6, poop is funny.) The next day we were reviewing and when I asked if anyone remembered any of the ways that seeds are spread my 2yo piped up VERY enthusiastically with “POOP!!! Duck-duck (his name for all of the avian species) POOP!”   I had to laugh…. my 2 yo boy remembered from one day to the next our science lesson because it had to do with poop. Boys are soooooo funny!!!

Now, lunch and back to school since we got a late start today.  :o)   *

Testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3, Testing

 

So, here I am trying to upload bigger pics on my blog……….. These pics of the kids were taken Sunday evening. We were out having a picnic and the lighting was absolutely amazing!!!  I was very pleased with how these turned out, so thought I would share. :o)

Here is my eldest…….so grown up and pretty!  (I have one of her giggling too but she requested this one)

Here is my middle…… isn’t she a doll!

 

Here is my baby……. He is getting so big!

We had so much fun that night. We went on an “Expotition” in the words of the loveable Pooh or, in the words of my sweet kiddos, an “Inspiration”.  :o) I rather like the idea of going on an inspiration in God’s creation!

Another new look

Well, thanks to Cathy over at Created For Inspiration I have changed my blog. My hope is that it will be more of a photo type blog and I will be able to share bigger pics..... Not that I am only going to post pics, just that I LOVE bigger pics on blogs!  Anyhow, after editing the html (which, with her coaching, was not nearly as hard or scary as I had feared) I have a new look! I will miss the scrapbooky look of the others but it will be worth it for bigger pics.

  I just tried posting larger pics and it isn't working. :o(   I guess I'll have to see if she will coach me on that too *blush*

 Anyhow, I have some GREAT pics of the kids and can't wait to share them...... Hopefully soon :o)

Oh the things kids say!

Yesterday my sweet six y.o., while sitting on her Daddy's lap, looked up at him and said "Daddy, you have halitosis!"
  "What?!?!" he replied laughing "Do you even know what halitosis is?"
"Yes, I do." she grinned "it means BAD breath!"

LOL!  I thought it was hysterical and her poor Daddy didn't know what to think! :o) I guess coffee breath isn't for everyone...... hehe 

Fix-it Friday #29

  It's Friday!!!  Today has been rather crazy so I didn't keep track of how I got the results I got..... I just did a few things here and there as I could. It took me most of the day to get these accomplished. The little girl this week has the most gorgeous red hair! I always wished I had red hair growing up..... sometimes I still do! :o) 

 Here is the original: 

   First glance, I thought "easy!", I was wrong! There is a green line in her hair and on her forehead which I found distracting.



This is my color edit:

I lightened shadows, removed the green line, played with color, added a soft light layer, and ???


Here is my cropped version of the same edit: 

  My standard B&W: 

  
and Sepia: 

  
   And here I tried something completely new.... I did a texture and "photocorners":  

   I used a layermask technique, that I learned on a tutorial somewhere, and masked out her face (she is way too young for wrinkles! ;o) and lightened the texture around her face. I'm still not sure what I think of it but it was fun to try something new! :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Well, I got rather carried away with my edits this week... I was trying to get rid of the shaft of light but, though I used every trick up my sleeves, I wasn't able to. I had fun trying though!!! Now, I am off to  I ♥ Faces  to see the other edits! Have a great weekend!

Week 36

The challenge this week over at IHeartFaces is "Contemplative" and with a bonus category of pets. I had a hard time picking a picture......... I kept coming back to this one (after checking the rules and seeing that they had made an exception for the "before and after challenge" so I could post this pic again). I took this pic and it was really a throw away pic, until I did some editing. I just LOVE how it turned out!!! Every time I see it I just smile and wonder what big thoughts were going through her mind...... she is ALWAYS thinking about something big! ;o)

So here is my daughter looking contemplative :o)




and here is a friends cat:



For more great entries head on over to IHeartFaces!

Fix-it Friday!

Friday again! :o) I was able to get in a few minutes of editing time over our lunch/quiet time/nap break to do this week's FIF. This is an adorable pic to begin with.....

Here is the original:

I am trying to learn to use a lighter hand with my PSE so for my first edit I:
Lightened the shadows and played with the contrast
Adjusted the brightness and contrast
Dodged the catchlights
Sharpened the eyes and added a soft light layer to them
Adjusted Hud/Saturation to my liking
Added a soft light layer at 35%
Adjusted the shadows/highlights again
Reduced noise
Crop (Cropping is not my strong point but I wanted to crop to emphasize her beautiful eyes...... )
Warming filter 14%
Sharpened for the web

and here it is:


I then did a B&W using THIS method (only I put my gradient layer at 93% opacity to preserve a little of the color and because I liked how the eyes looked....):


And a sepia version using a the "recipe" in the above link for adding a chocolate tint but making the chocolate layer a saturation layer. The results were much different than anything I have done before with the added brown layer.......



Head on over to I ♥ Faces and see all of the other wonderful edits of this adorable picture! :o)

Week 35 Challenge

Back to school is the theme of this weeks photo challenge at IHeartFaces...... I am just sliiping in under the wire time wise, but accidentally deleted my first edits of a pic for this week. *Sigh* So, here is my entry. I had an awful time picking a picture but ended up with this one of my 4yo at the table doing her kindergarten. :o) I edited it to give it a vintage feel and even tried a texture for the first time ever!

Punchinello and the giants

(* Warning: This is one of those "unsafe" posts and is VERY long....... I actually wrote it over a week ago but my first draft was a bit too graphic. :oP I even had a photo-shopped pic of myself with my "tattoos". Total overkill but very therapeutic! *rolling eyes*)

Have you ever read the stories/watched the movies about the Wemmicks by Max Lucado? Wemmicks are little wooden people created by Eli, each one is unique and special. Now, as you can probably guess, these stories are allegories teaching little lessons to kids. Anyhow, in the first story, we find that the Wemmicks have a system to rate each other. Now if you are a "good" wemmick and the others like you they bestow on you golden star stickers, and if you are not as good you get black/grey dot stickers. We meet Punchinello who is a very nice little wemmick but he is rather clumsy. No matter how hard he tries to please the other wemmicks and earn a star something goes wrong and he ends up getting another dot. The poor guy is covered in dots and doesn't have even one star..........As you can imagine he is pretty disheartened when all his efforts gain him nothing, in fact sometimes people give him dots just because he is who he is and already has so many! One day he sees a beautiful wemmick walk by named Lucia and she has no stars or dots!!! Someone tries to give her a star because she is so lovely but it falls off........ Punchinello follows her to find out her secret and learns that her dots don't stick because she spends time with Eli. The more time she spends with Eli the less she cares about stars and dots (what all the other wemmicks are obsessed with) and the less they they stick. All she cares about is what Eli says and he adores her. It takes Punchinello some time but he eventually starts spending time with Eli and his dots start disappearing......(I am really shortening the story here but I am sure you can find a copy of the book or movie if you want to find out what you are missing! :o)

All this to say that lately I have felt like punchinello, only instead of plain dots mine are tattooed with names/labels.... I have always struggled with this. From the time I was little I seemed to hold tight to every negative thing that was ever said about me, they were like badges that I couldn't get rid of. It's not as if I wasn't ever given "stars", I actually received lots of compliments. It's just that they didn't stick........ I usually couldn't even remember them. Well, God has used my husband to help me slowly get over this tendency. It's not as if my dots fell off but more that they slowly faded. I quit seeing myself as defined by all these negative things and was slowly shifting my focus off of me and onto God. But now I feel like I fell asleep in a tattoo parlor and am now, once again covered in tattoos...... Those labels that had not quite faded are now as dark as ever and I have new ones...... In fact, I feel like my badges are the names of giants that surround me. Each giant has a name and, in case you happen to squeeze past the giant without noticing him, his name is tattooed on my dots. When the tattoos fade the giants shrink, sometimes disappearing altogether...... They inhibit me from developing friendships. They have a variety of names...... "Not good enough", "Bad Friend", "Harsh", "Judgmental", "Ruthless", "Self-absorbed", "Immature", "Ignorant", etc...... Some that were given by implication, some that were given outright, but the new ones were all given by someone I considered a close friend. I think that's why they are all so dark and ugly. I reached out, with love and the purest motives, to try and help a friend and received in return a formidable pack of giants and dark, ugly labels. When the new ones came they brought back some of my most recently departed giants and caused my shrinking ones to have growth spurts. I find myself withdrawing from everyone....... I mean seriously, who would want to be friends with someone who walks around with her credentials tattooed on her face and is surrounded by giants........ Um, yeah. No one.........

I will say that, though I am in the beginning stages, God is teaching me through this. He is teaching me to look past the giants and to keep my eyes on Him. He is re-establishing with me the importance of rejecting the current fads that focus on self-esteem, self-worth, and feelings and focus on Christ-esteem and Christ-worth. He is teaching me that, though my beliefs may not be what is popular and at times I feel very alone in them, I am not alone. I need to hold fast to the truth despite what is popular in this "enlightened" age. Growth is often painful and this time in my life is no exception but He will prevail.

He alone is good!

Fix-it Friday

Another Fix-it Friday is here!!! :o) When I first saw this pic I thought it would be easy..... I was wrong!!! I had a horrible time getting the colors right. I am blaming my nearly antiquated PS Elements! :o) I do not have any actions installed on it at this time, maybe they would have helped but, then again, maybe not.
Here is the original:
Here is my first edit in color: My first was actually much better than this but I accidentally erased it and can't duplicate what I did. Grrr..... >:o(

My B&W: I followed the directions from Kimi Kreations (which I found through I ♥ Faces)


My Sepia/chocolate tinted: Also found through the above link




I am not totally happy with these but they are the best I could do (esp with my limited time today) For more great edits go to I ♥ Faces :o)

School & such

Well, we have completed our first week of school and started our second!!! Overall it is going well..... except I have the hardest time keeping my little man busy and quiet! I love how laid back and fun this curriculum approach is! If the first week is any indication, it is going to be a GREAT year!!!
I am very thankful that the first weeks of school are just review though, as it gives me time to work out all of the bugs (such as keeping above mentioned 2yo out of mischief!!!). The kids are loving school and so am I. I am finding that I do a lot better with a schedule. O.k. so I really already knew that, but have not had the motivation to make one until now. On top of school I got a part time job!!! Did you fall out of your chair reading that? Haha! That sounds so much more official than it really is........ I get to take my kids and go hang out with a friends sweet kids for 1-2 hours, 2-3 days a wk. Definitely won't be raking in the big bucks but I should be able to earn either a new lens for my camera or new editing software in 6 or so months! :o) Yay!!! I have always felt so selfish if I spend money on myself. My hubby just works too hard to earn it so I hate to use it for myself (much to his frustration). It will be kind of fun to have money that I don't feel bad about spending. :o) Now, we'll just have to see if I can do it............. :oP

On another random note: I cut the kids' hair this weekend. The girls ended up much shorter than I had originally intended but looks cute. It was just getting to be too hard to take care of. I am sure that it would not have been so bad if I would keep up on trimming it but, anyhow, it is done and the girls love it. :o) LM got his done too.... his hair doesn't get long it get's BIG! Before you know it he's headed for an afro and the only hope is the clippers! He loves to get his air cut like Daddy's though....... actually he loves to do anything that Daddy does. Such a boy! :o)

O.k., enough randomness for today. I need to get ready for work! :o) LOL!!!

Sorry this post is so scattered..... :oP Seems it has just been that kind of day! I actually wrote this hours ago but, the one chance I had to get on the comp, my internet was too sporadic to get this posted. Oh well, such is life!

I ♥ Faces

I ♥ Faces is having a non-contest challenge this week. It is a "before and after" challenge in which each person has the chance to showcase their pics at an earlier date and then a pic from the month of August. The idea is to see how each person has improved........ I have only known of I ♥ Faces 4-6wks so wasn't going to enter this challenge, I feel that I have progressed so much since i found their site though that I decided to take the embarrassing plunge.....

I have loved photography as long as I can remember.... My first camera was a Polaroid that I earned selling cards and wrapping paper..... For those that knew me then, don't panic! I am not going to post any of those pics!!! I have slowly upgraded through the years...
I got Photoshop Elements about 4 yrs ago but, up until the early part of this year, the only thing I could do with it was fix red eye and crop. I would also occasionally try to paint out distracting backgrounds.... I knew nothing of layers, opacity,actions, etc.... I didn't even know there was a photoshop that wasn't in the elements family!!! I had a Nikon coolpix that I loved for macro but HATED for kid pics. It was just too slow! So here is a before pic with my first attempts at editing:
(Hmmm.... not so great. I think all I did was too lighten shadows.........)


Here is one of my more recent color edits.... and also the start of pics taken with my new DSLR. My wonderful hubby bought it for me after my coolpix died!





One of my first B&W's........ I tried to compensate for the lack of contrast by "hand tinting" and diffusing the glow. Um, BAD idea!!!

Here is my most recent B&W done with a technique I just learned through an I ♥ Faces entry....


I am still struggling with a near fatal vignette addiction and a heavy hand with my PSE but, after reading through the other before and after entries, I have hope that I will recover and my skills will improve. I also am still strictly shooting Automatic but an hoping to change that soon! :o) Through I ♥ Faces, and the many blogs I have discovered through them,I feel like I am learning new things every day!
Head on over to I ♥ Faces
to see more Before and After entries..... Most are a lot less wordy than mine! :o)