Nathan~

      Today our Pastor preached a sermon that just seemed to speak to me. It was on 2 Samuel 7 where David wants to build a temple for God. David had a dream…. and an honorable one. I mean, what could be better that doing something so amazing, so lavish, so beautiful, so costly, for God?  But what did God say? He said ‘No, I have a better plan.’  From an earthly perspective it must have seemed crazy at the time….. But God asked David to give up his dream, to let go and let his dream die and to embrace God’s dream. I had never realized the full beauty of chapter 7 until the last 2 wks as Pastor has taken us through it.  As I was thinking over the sermon several things came to mind….

  Nathan had dreams, we all had dreams for Nathan, dreams that were good. Dreams of a long life as a mighty man of God, dreams of seeing all his potential fulfilled, beautiful, God honoring dreams, none of which could be fulfilled in 18 short years. All those dreams had to die when Nathan did, and God’s dream was realized for Nathan’s life. A dream of perfection, of un-distracted worship, of whole hearted devotion. Dreams too big, too amazing, too wonderful for me to comprehend, fuller than I can imagine……  Not that our dreams were bad, but God’s were better.

  David’s response to God was beautiful….. He was so humble, so awed at the awesomeness of God, at his goodness and mercy.  I think that each of us that loved Nathan were given a choice. We could rebel, try to stubbornly cling to our dreams, to be angry that God didn’t choose to use our good dreams, or we could let the dream die. We could could gracefully submit to His will, we could choose to believe that His dream was best, come in humility to the author of the dream. We had to choose to look for areas that God’s dream was playing out and God was faithful….. although we will not see the fullness of the dream until we too get to go home, He has shown us a small glimpse. We have seen lives touched that wouldn’t have been touched any other way, we see spiritual growth in our lives, we see mercy and grace.

It’s not easy but I pray that my response will always be as David’s  “Who am I?”

 

                      

  After Nathan died my Mom was given a little sign that said this (or fairly close to this):

___________________________

God answers prayers 3 ways:

1- Yes

2- Wait

3- I have a better plan

____________________________

I like this so much better than “no” because it isn’t just no, it is so much more……. I hope I always remember that His plan is the best, regardless of how painful it might be.

Nathan 07/07/1990 – 09/27/2008 

Photo Challenge ~ “Blue”

I wasn’t going to enter the challenge this week as I didn’t think I had any pics that fit. My next post was going to be pics and memories of Nathan but, at our family BBQ today (to remember Nathan on the 1 yr anniversary of his death), my Grandma wore blue. Now, I have to say that if my Grandma knew that all the pics I was taking were of her AND the kitten and not JUST the kitten she would probably scold me, if she knew I was posting them here she would REALLY scold me! :o)  She has always hated having her pics taken. My Grandma has been having a lot of health problems lately, so I want to be sure to get pics for my kids. One of the things that I have learned, and am working on, in the year since my brother’s death (at 18 in a car accident) is the importance of being bold with my camera and taking pics even if the subjects aren’t overly impressed (I come from a family of camera shy people).  I wish I had more of Nathan……. he wasn’t camera shy and LOVED all things photography related so I could have, I just didn’t think about it. Anyhow, all that to say, this is my sweet Grandma sneaking in time with a kitten. She LOVES cats but is allergic to them…….

 

A Year ~

  Well, I know I wasn’t going to post until next week, but that just shows how tired I was when  I wrote that!  This week/weekend is a time of remembering for us…… This week my amazing hubby and I celebrated our 9th anniversary!!! We have enjoyed reminiscing over the last nine years and the events leading up to our wedding and our wedding day. Sweet memories……….  But this weekend is also a time for remembering some hard things. You see, this weekend we look back at the start of what has been the hardest year of our lives thus far.  1 year ago Sunday, the 27th, my 18yo brother Nathan died in a car accident, in some ways our hard year started the day before….. the man that worked for my husband had been increasingly unhappy all week and finally showed some of it on Fri the 26th, slandering us inciting another that worked with us to be unpleasant. The other man apologized for his behavior and has been on good terms with us since….. “D” however had yet to show us the full ugliness of his anger…. Trying to forget the unpleasant scenes of Fri. we went to my in-laws on Saturday and it was just minutes after leaving their house that night that we were told of my brothers death. The days and weeks following his death are somewhat of a blur…… or maybe I just don’t like to relive them because of all of the emotions.  My husband was so amazing throughout the week, he stayed with me, held me, cried with me, and showed his love in every thing. He took the entire week off to help me and my family through this. He even went and took care of Nathan’s pick-up afterwards. I will just say, when some one dies of head injuries it is not clean, so his sacrifice in getting Nathan’s belongings out of that truck was HUGE! He watched the kids while I spent hours getting pics together, going through his cell for pics and info for the service, and texted with Nathan’s friends trying to offer comfort.  I can not begin to tell you what a treasure he was and is to me. I have no idea why God saw fit to bless me with such a man but I am so grateful that He did!  The week after Nathan’s death and service “D” went ballistic….. I can not begin to describe the ugliness of what he verbally and emotionally did to my husband, and it wasn’t just a one time thing. In the days, weeks, and months that followed we were forced to get police involvement because of threats to our family, nails in the driveway, etc….. and even when the worst was past he made sure that we knew he was our enemy. It was awful and, as a wife, I have to tell you that it was one of the most painful things I have ever witnessed to see part of my husband die…. His joy, his trusting nature, his desire to work, everything but his love and trust in God and his love and devotion to the kids and I. In the 4 months following Nathan’s death we also also saw 2 adopted Grandmas and 1 Great-Grandma go home to be with the Lord. For someone who had never really experienced death in her family, this was almost unbearable.  During the months that followed my health started to go down hill. It hasn’t been great for a long time but I reached a new low. During the early part of 09’ I got so tired/weak that there were many days I was unable to get out of bed except to do whatever was absolutely necessary. I tried to do more but would end up literally crawling and laying down frequently because I did not have the strength to stand. On days when I was out of bed I was too tired to even make it up the steps to our house without stopping 1 or 2 times to rest.  Talking with my new Dr and having him look at my blood-work, he is suspicious that I had mono on top of a LOT of other problems.  We could re-test to verify but can’t afford that at this time. I am making slow improvements, now even my worst days are not as bad before. I have a long way to go but look forward to continuing to improve. During all this our business was failing. In the current economy construction is not the best industry to be in. We have never had gobs of money but we faced a scarcity that we have never before known, and we still are. We have started to get work but it seems too little, too late…… There have been days that I was in despair because of this but at this moment I am looking forward to seeing what God does…… I also went through the loss of a friendship. I hope to write at a future date some of the many things that God has taught me through that, but not tonight. There were many other things that have happened, but these are the ones the biggest and the ones that I am at liberty to share. Bleak as everything was this past year, we have seen God work in ways that we would never have dreamed of….. He has allowed us to use the situation with “D” to witness to many in the community, He taught my husband many things and has made him less of a people pleaser and more willing to stand up, to not always be the one getting run over….. Interestingly enough, we have seen a couple different relationships fall apart when the other person lost control over us as God teaches us to allow Him only to be in control (this, of course, is what we have seen in hindsight). We have both learned to stand up more faithfully and openly for what we believe. We have learned more fully of forgiveness, the difficulty in forgiving the unrepentant, and the peace and freedom that comes from forgiveness. God has graciously taught us to trust Him, He has taught me that I have to choose daily to believe because He keeps His word. Faith does not have anything to do with emotions…..  I need to believe that He is there, not based on my feelings or emotions, not based on how things appear, but based on the fact that He promises in His Word never to leave me or forsake me. He has taught me to look at why I believe what I believe, to go to Him and His Word, to regard Him as the ultimate authority and not what any man might say that “God says….”, He has shown me His love and His mercy, and His abhorrence of sin and evil. He has shown me the sweetness of planting seeds of hope in Nathan’s friends, of letting go of those seeds and remembering who it is that harvests.  Much as I have not enjoyed the painfulness of these lessons, or the hardship of this year, much as, in my flesh I want an easier route, I am thankful for the growth. I hope to never forget the lessons learned.  I may post a picture/memories post in remembrance of  Nathan. I miss him so much but am so thankful that he is fighting no longer but is spending his time worshipping our Lord. How sweet to know that he is finally, truly happy!!!

  Now, if any of you are still with me after such a long post, I will wish you a goodnight! :o)

Fix-it Friday #30

 

It’s Friday!!! :o)  I found this pic a real challenge, but good for me to work on because I have many like it myself………. To be truthful, most of the FIF’s are a challenge because I am so new to photoshop. I sure enjoy it though!  :o)  I loved what this little boy’s mom had to say about this pic, esp this part

“Shooting in manual is not for those of us with 'Mommy Brain'! LOL".

My sentiments exactly!!!

Here is the original:

 

Here is my first fix: Not crazy about it but wasn’t sure what else I could do in my little old PSE 4.0 :o). I just couldn’t seem to get the color right…….

Here is my second fix: different crop, B&W

and here is my 3rd edit: a different crop yet, sepia, and texture (my only textures are the ones that came with my PSE 4 and I couldn’t get the layer mask to work, so his poor little face is textured :o(  Every time I did the layer mask it would erase the color but not the texture…. Maybe I should have tried the eraser with lowered opacity?

 

Head on over to IHeartFaces to see other great edits! :o) 

Randomness……

Inspired by my friend “E”, I am going to try again to be more organized. In looking at my current “schedule” (or lack there of) and how best to change, I realize that I need to be on the computer less (probably a no brainer but……..). It seems every time I have tried something of this sort my health probs flare up and I turn to the comp because it makes the time pass quicker. It’s a bad habit but I am hoping to change that.  I will still be posting “Fix-it Friday’s” and occasional photo challenges (because they are my de-stressors), but I will probably only do a “real” post once a week or so. We’ll see how long my resolve lasts! :oP  So, here are a few random tidbit’s that I will touch on now and hopefully go more in depth on in the coming weeks…..

  1- I have alluded to the fact, in a previous post, that I had a falling out with a friend. Since that time I have prayed much, sought wisdom from my Lord, and done a number of things to try and understand what took place.  Well, recently I was (providentially) loaned a book called ‘A Time of Departing’ by Ray Yungen. This book is one of the most fascinating books that I have ever read and I totally feel like it has been the missing puzzle piece in understanding……. I can not tell you how highly I recommend this book!!!  I hope to go more in depth on this book at a later time.

 2- I have had a dozen or so posts rolling round in my head that I am hoping to post regarding several books, and about reading in general. I have felt very convicted on certain things lately and, as I am able to articulate my thoughts, I hope to post about them.

 3- I still want to post little family tidbits because it helps me remember them.

   There was more but it is past my new bedtime (hmm….. not starting out so good!) and I am very tired. I have lofty goals and may, or may not, be able to accomplish them but I am going to try!  So, I will post my FIF tomorrow or Sat. and then will be back “for real” sometime next week.  :o)

One of the many reasons I love homeschooling…

 

  Last week our science reading was on seeds. We read many books about seeds, sprouted seeds, went outside and looked for seeds, etc….. One of our readings discussed the many ways that seeds are spread – wind, birds, bursting seed pods, etc…. Anyhow, we discussed them for a little while (all of my kids finding the bird discussion very funny because, at 2, 4, and 6, poop is funny.) The next day we were reviewing and when I asked if anyone remembered any of the ways that seeds are spread my 2yo piped up VERY enthusiastically with “POOP!!! Duck-duck (his name for all of the avian species) POOP!”   I had to laugh…. my 2 yo boy remembered from one day to the next our science lesson because it had to do with poop. Boys are soooooo funny!!!

Now, lunch and back to school since we got a late start today.  :o)   *

Testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3, Testing

 

So, here I am trying to upload bigger pics on my blog……….. These pics of the kids were taken Sunday evening. We were out having a picnic and the lighting was absolutely amazing!!!  I was very pleased with how these turned out, so thought I would share. :o)

Here is my eldest…….so grown up and pretty!  (I have one of her giggling too but she requested this one)

Here is my middle…… isn’t she a doll!

 

Here is my baby……. He is getting so big!

We had so much fun that night. We went on an “Expotition” in the words of the loveable Pooh or, in the words of my sweet kiddos, an “Inspiration”.  :o) I rather like the idea of going on an inspiration in God’s creation!