Goats

We have some sweet friends who have goats and are willing to share their goats milk with us as it is something our allergies can tolerate. Today they invited us up to "help" with the milking. We had a blast!!! Unfortunately I forgot my camera. >:o(
Their place is one of my dream properties! The kids ran like crazy, helped move the chicken tractors, counted eggs, etc... before milking and then we went down to the barn to milk. They have a wonderful, but HUGE, Great peyrinese who guards the goats. He is a total love boat but poor B about wet herself in sheer terror. He is as tall as she! My little animal loving man was in seventh heaven. The dog, being so much larger than himself was a bit overwhelming but he liked the goats, esp the kids! The little tractor in their barn was also QUITE popular with him. He swings one arm and walk in the most determined way. Just cracks me up! J LOVES goats and got to hand milk one a little bit! She likes the kids better because they are so stinkin' cute. :o) After we had our milking lessons we played with the goats for a little while and my little man, who is, by the way, 150% BOY, found what he considers the BEST part of having goats. Those of you with boys have probably already guessed, YEP! poop. He would pick up a big ole' handful and I would say "no honey, put down the poop. We don't want to play with poop" (to which you KNOW he was thinking "Oh yes I do!") He would throw it down only to find a new little pile..... This went on for roughly 10 min and then he discovered what goat poop is really for. :o) Thankfully he had his boots on. He would stomp on it with all he was worth, just like when he tries to kill a spider by stomping on it. Once the little droppings were squished to oblivion he would grin real big and say "More?" and rush on to find the next unsuspecting pile of poo. I think that he would have been happy to do that all day long! It was so funny! We visited with our friends for awhile (who, I might add, are AMAZINGLY patient) and then went home, though all of my kids were sure that we should stay for "just a little longer", which translated means forever. :o) All in all it was a wonderful field trip. We learned lots, experienced lots, and B even got brave and played with the goat kids! :o)
If only all day, every day could be so happy, care-free and fun!

The end

The end of hoping
The end of strength
The end of wishing
The end of trying
The end of me
I did not want to be here again
Feeling like there is no more
But the end of me is where You are best seen
Where You shine
Where You gleam
But it leaves me feeling so worn
This place where I am no more
Why must it hurt so to reach this place?
I don't like discomfort
I don't like pain
I don't like weariness
I don't like shame
I want You shining through
But on my terms
No more pain
No more sorrows
No more fighting
Just beautiful tomorrows
I think this place shows me again
That I am homesick
For my Heavenly Home
That I want You and You alone

Silliness

Quite awhile back I ordered myself a book on drawing faces, because I have always wanted to sketch people. I was a little disappointed when the book came, as most of it was for more cartoonish type people. I wanted to learn to do what the guy in the seaside mall does! :o) Well, I pulled it back out last week to look at it again and decided to try to follow the directions on the 2 pages that were dedicated to what interested me. Being the ridiculous person that I am I have decided to post my first effort at drawing a face. I was pleasantly surprised....... esp. for a first time effort using a #2 school pencil of the girls' and a cheap piece of computer paper. It was rather fun. No worries though, the guy at the mall is safe! No competition from this gal. :o)

Oh, and please excuse the wrinkles in the paper. I have a very cheap scanner/printer. :o)

I know how much help it needs, esp. the hair. They didn't have very good instructions for hair............. :oP

Choices

Lately God has been teaching me about choices. I tend to be a pretty passive person and I hate making decisions. I tend to just go with the flow rather than be decisive. God has spoken to me through a variety of things, of which was this post , some entries in 'My Utmost for His Highest', my Beth Moore Bible study, and various things that I have read here and there.
I am being taught that daily I need to choose to praise Him. I think that it sunk in for the first time one day when I was at Nathan's grave. I stood there crying, talking to God and Nathan, and asking God "why?". The words of a Casting Crowns song came to my head.....
"I will praise you in this storm
I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am"
so right there at the grave I told God that I praised Him, that I wanted to choose to praise Him every day, no matter what. It is a daily struggle and I often fail but I am, ever so slowly, making progress.
I also have to choose to believe Him. I am finding that it is so easy to rely more on emotions and feelings rather than faith. I want to choose every morning to believe Him and His promises. I am choosing to believe that He is with me even when I don't feel like He is, I am choosing to believe He loves me even when I am not so sure that I feel very loved, etc.... Again, I am so not there, but I am trying.

And, finally, He is showing me to choose daily who will be on the throne of my life for that day. Am I going to submit to Him? or am I going to allow self to reign? This particular battle is more of a minute by minute than a day by day.......... Oh, sometimes I try to deceive myself into thinking I have Him on the throne by trying to twist our relationship to where it is about me...... in a very religious way of course ;o)........ "I need to figure out who I am in Christ", "I need to focus on finding out who I was created to be", "I need to find where I want to serve Him", etc. but in truth the only way to find these things is to quit thinking about me and my "needs" and start focusing on who He is. I cannot know who I am in Christ until I have come to know Christ, the best way to learn about the created is to learn about the Creator, the best way to serve is to join the Father where He is working. I am thinking that the more I focus on Him the more the other things will lose importance and, in the end, I will have found much more than I dreamed possible. In Isaiah 43:7 He says that I was created for HIS glory. If I could refocus my life on Him, if my thoughts and intentions could all be for His glory, I think that everything else would fade into the background and I would be filled to overflowing with true JOY! This is, of course, going to be a daily struggle for the rest of my life but I am hoping to make it my life goal- to choose every morning, every hour, every moment to live for His glory and to keep self off of the throne of my life. I would, of course, appreciate you prayers in this. I definately can't do it on my own.

Music

I have so many thoughts.... Not wanting to bore you with no new posts until I get them articulated, I have added a playlist! Now for those of you who know how computer UN-savvy I am, you know this is a great feat for me. :o) Hope you enjoy.

I do have to say that I was very disappointed in how few Nichole Nordeman songs were on there. I really wanted "No More Chains" but alas, it was not to be found. :o(

Walls

dark
impenetrable
closing in
suffocating
isolating
fear
These walls that I have built
Some unconsciously
Some to protect
I thought I was in control
I thought I would be safe
Now I find that I have shut out joy
And I am no longer in control
I cry for help
But the walls absorb my cries
I have the tools to escape
But no idea if I can find them
Or if I can use them, once found
The walls suck away my strength
I can no longer try to escape
Through my solitary window
I look out longingly
Happy people walk by
Unaware of my pain
They wave and smile
They can't see my walls
I put on my happy face
I can't let them see the real me
Who could understand what I have done to myself
My efforts to protect myself have backfired
They only cause me more pain
I know that God can save me
I see Him reaching out
Offering help
But I am too tired
Too tired to accept the offered help
Through my walls He seems distant and angry
My efforts will be too feeble to please Him
Why try
Then I hear verses swirling round in my head
Promises of all that Christ can do
Freedom for the captives
Release from Darkness
Gladness instead of Mourning
Garment of Praise instead of despair
Perfect Peace
Quiet me with His love
Delight in me
Rejoice over me with singing
Save me
Set me free
Now I have to choose
Will I let Him
Will I choose to believe His promises
It may be painful
There will be a cost
There will be change
Am I ready...........

Butter

So, J read to me and just as she was finishing the little man walked up with slimy hands and something white around his mouth. I was, of course, disgusted and asked him to show me what he had been into. He promptly took me into the the kitchen babbling with pleasure about the nums and grabbed the cube of butter. This morning it was a full cube............... it now is less than that and is full of finger holes and teeth marks, one corner is completely gone. I am left wondering when in the world he got tall enough to reach the kitchen counters!