Teacher or Student?

   We are almost finished with our second official week of school, we also have an unofficial week under our belts, and I am reminded daily just how much I love our curriculum!  I sometimes wonder if the kids are learning as much as I!  ;o)

  This year we are learning World Geography with a focus on missions. We are only in week 2 and yet the conversations we are having do this Mama’s heart good! Last week we were reading one of our books and I came upon this little gem regarding prayer:

   When nothing seems to happen, remember that prayer is like planting a seed in the ground. For weeks and months you may see nothing, but a lot is happening underground. Keep on trusting God, because one day you will see the answer to your prayers (Matthew 21:22), one day you’ll see the plant begin to grow.                                                       (Windows On The World by Daphne Spagget with Jill Johnstone)

 

    I just keep mulling this over and over……  There is so much encouragement, so much food for thought, and so much hope in that analogy.  I think, also, that sometimes we (ok, I, but it seems lonely to say I! I want to believe that I am not the only one that does this!!!) plant different seeds than we intend.  We plant from the seed pkg marked violets, and often don’t even recognize what’s growing as the answer to our prayers because the seeds were in the wrong package, and actually belonged to a rutabaga!  ;o)  I have been pondering my prayers lately and wonder if my focus is off, not wrong per say just not best, and that if I prayed more for the courage to face what he brings, the strength to make it through another day, and the joy to accept what He sends, if I wouldn’t see more answers.  I don’t think that praying for a job for my husband is bad but maybe I need to pray more for how I accept it, for gratitude for a job even if it doesn’t fit MY requirements and ideals, and help to be the encourager my man needs.  Instead of praying for a job with 4 tens and little to no traveling, maybe I should pray for the strength, courage, and health, to be the the woman I need to be while he is working, regardless of hours, the ability to make wonderful memories with our kids regardless of how much he is gone.  Instead of reminding God of the dream for our family that we truly think is from Him, maybe I should be asking God to clarify our dream and to grant me the patience for His timing for His plan for us. Instead of asking for a time of reprieve from the trials I should ask for the grace to be an example to my kids during the hard times. 

   Lately I have just felt weary, done, and fearful.  Much as the last few years have provided us with a new “normal” that is not pleasant it is now normal, it is what we know.  It is hard for me to avoid feeling fearful over the future. Frightened that it will stay the same, frightened that it will change for the worse, frightened…..  I am not foolish enough to think that things can’t get worse than they are. I know that, though we have had some very difficult years, things could be way worse.  As we hurtle on down the path of life I find myself reluctant to leave where we are for fear that where we are going will be even harder, will be worse. I am weary and want a rest. Sadly, that seldom is what is beneficial for making me into who HE wants me to be.  My head knows that God will carry us through whatever He has planned for us but my weak faith is crying out in fear that it is too tired, too weary, too scared to go on.  Thankfully God doesn’t give me that choice or I could miss out on His blessings and, regardless of may failings, HE remains faithful.

  As there is no option but to keep living life, to keep on, to keep moving one tiny step at a time, I will try and change my focus yet again. To once more try and stay focused on HIM and trust.  Praise God, HE alone is worthy!